Insert Penis (Joke) Here

The male sense of humor is an odd concept for me to comprehend, especially the proclivity to turn jokes sexual at the drop of a hat no matter whether your relationship is platonic or intimate. Much like in lovemaking (or whatever your preferred euphemism is for sex - I personally prefer schtupping) women don't want to be poked, prodded or beaten over the head with it. Seriously gentlemen, don't go for the easy penis joke because in our eyes it's not the easy joke. It's the lame joke. The kind of joke that lacks originality and makes us wonder, "Why's it always gotta be about your dick?"

For instance, I was having a back and forth text exchange with a platonic male friend of mine. Given my keen fashion sense he asked, "Under what circumstances should a man pop his collar?" Knowing him, I asked, "Are you speaking literally or figuratively?" I wanted to avoid setting him up for the easy joke. He said literally. Feeling like I was in a safe space, I then replied that under no circumstances should a man pop his collar and tied in a nice WASP joke for good measure (WASP in the U.S. stands for White, Anglo-Saxon, Protestant, by the way). He then took the acronym and made a penis joke. Namely that who doesn't "want a shapely penis"? Meaning his. (Bwah-bwah.) The answer? Me for one, friend.

Another time, I was in a sexting exchange with a guy I had been seeing when he jokingly (I suppose) sent me a "dick pic" of a baby boy standing up in his crib naked with an obviously full-grown, adult male penis photoshopped (hopefully) onto the child saying it was his baby picture. I replied with an "Eww. You're gross." Really what girl wants to be on the receiving end of pseudo-kiddie porn? Joking or not, this was not OK. I had to put him in his place. By the power of good joke-telling that had been instilled in me, I HAD to. So I hit him where it hurts! I texted back with "Does your penis suffer from Benjamin Button syndrome? Cuz it's aging in reverse!" (Record scratch. Crickets chirping.) Needless to say, that was the end of the sexting exchange... and the relationship. But that's OK because highly-inappropriate penis jokes aside, if a guy can't take a penis joke from a girl, then he shouldn't be dishing them out either. 

That and "Yo Momma" jokes always win!